Life goes on

Jenny self injured again when Danielle died, but Mark kept her from doing it after the rape. Instead she avoided the subject of what happened and went on with life. Jenny wasn't sure she would make it; Pa-Pa, Aunt Sandy. Baby Johnny, Brenda, Sabrina, and now Danielle, on top of the heartache she still felt from Derek leaving her. She just wasn't sure she could handle anymore, but she tried to go on. "Is it ever going to end?" She asked God.

Zachary turned 2 years old in August. Jenny was more excited than she had been in a long time; her baby boy was growing up. It was only 2 weeks after his birthday that Zachary sat on his own for the first time. He was doing well in therapy, not throwing as many temper tantrums. Everyone was pleased with his progress since the divorce. In fact, it wasn't until Jenny got Zachary in her custody full time that he finally started gaining weight, sitting up, attempting to stand, and speak. Jenny was proud of her son and herself.

Derek told Jenny that he had to stay with Tracy because he was on parole and she could send him back to prison if he pissed her off enough. Jenny had a very hard time believing his story, but she let herself love him anyway. The months went by and things seemed better a lot of the time. After a bit, Jenny began to feel like a whore. He only spent time with her when they had sex. Was that all he wanted? Jenny began to believe that Derek was still in love with his ex-wife. Although she knew you can't change what you feel, she was still upset. If he did love her, he should have told Jenny, she thought. Jenny still had a few fleeting feelings of love for her ex-husband, but in whole, her heart belonged to Derek, and now it was just a waiting game to see if he would return that winter once he was taken off parole.

Jenny started to see that being a single mother was a lot harder then she thought. It would have been easier if Zachary didn't have therapy 3 times a week, or doctor visits every single month, but Jenny would never want him any other way, and "if this is how it's gotta be" she thought, "this is how it's gonna be."
After Danielle passed away, Jenny realized how fleeting life can be. If something were to happen to her while Zachary was young, she wanted him to have something to know her by. So, Jenny did what she does best, she wrote.

Specialty

Peek A Boo

And Hide N seek

Today it's you

Forget next week

The doctors call

Calendar fills up

Spring to fall

Never lets up

Today my son, Is ours alone

Lock that door

And turn off the phone

Your smile so bright

And eyes so wide

In my sight

There's nothing to hide

Toys and things

Scatter the floor

The phone doesn't ring

But we play no more

So, Goodnight sweet baby

Sweet dreams to you

And next week maybe

We'll forget therapy, too!